actual time and date written: July 09, 2009
11:54 PM
from: my notepad


"And from the start
Maybe I was tryin' too hard
It's crazy coz it's breakin' my heart
Things can fall apart but I know,
That I don't want you to go."


I think it's a bit odd to say that I'm not in the mood to write anything but now i find myself writing my sentiments and ponderings on this empty notepad.
It's weird to say that I feel sad yet I'm not sure of the reason why. A while ago my partner and I had an absurd argument, not really an argument but a revelations of her sentiments of what made her upset about me. I feel guilty and sorry of her accusations. I've hurt her again with my actions - insensitive actions and words. Everytime she confess to me those moments that i cause her pain, i admit i feel much more pain too. Maybe because I don't want her to feel that way but the thing is, it is me the reason she felt so. I deplore no matter how little or great the pain I caused her. And what hurts the most is that when I insist to ask for an apology she would just say that it was nothing, that she's fine and I would be left guilty still of my mistakes. Though it wasn't my intention to hurt her but still i do. Her words are like splinters thrown at my face, shards of ice that cuts my skin. It wasn't my intention to make her feel sad but the moments when words from her just won't stop, I'll end up exchanging words that I know would hurt her too. And it's too late to realize and that would surely make her cry - I hurt her that matters more than I.
I hope she won't give up too easily. I hope we try to find ways whenever problem comes our way, and not being the one that cause it.
I know this isn't the last fight, and if we want to endure, more problems will come to test us. I hope against hope that at he end of the day we'll still be what we are.